Rolling over in bed just at the break of the day, I pick up my phone to check the time. I noticed a message from my Niece with a link to a listing. She had found my childhood home, which was now up for sale after all these years. Normally, I wouldn’t look at any of the photos after having locked the doors and walking away so many years ago, not for reasons you may think but for reasons you most likely wouldn’t.

As you may have come to know from my previous posts about my mom, she had early-onset Alzheimers. We never saw it coming until it was too late. These things don’t just present themselves at your annual wellness check one day. They creep into your life in the tiniest of moments. They cause chaos, confusion, heartache, and more. We had never seen the storm coming, that was about to hit us.

Christmas of 2012 would be the last time we celebrated as a family in our childhood home. Because in May of 2013, we found out just how bad things had gotten for our Mom. Our Mama’s home the home I grew up in, went into foreclosure. The Alzheimers was progressing so fast under our noses. We thought her struggle to stay organized was because of a broken heart after losing her beloved husband (and my step-father) to cancer sometime before. When in all reality it was the early onset Alzheimers stealing away pieces of her mind, little by little. I would go to her home and help her organize her files only for them to fall apart. Only a couple weeks later.

Leading up to the foreclosure we knew she had some issues with her memory. We did the very best we could to help. In all honesty, I think we assumed all of her problems were because of her grief and chronic pain from various other health issues she had. She would cry all the time. My mom would constantly be getting sick, being in and out of hospitals. She stopped caring for herself and would just lay in bed and sleep. Her nights and days eventually got mixed up, causing late-night phone calls about the most random things. My sister would take her to Doctor’s appointments and do this and that trying to take care of Mama. The meals she had delivered would often be left untouched. Mama’s troubles continued to grow more and more.

Mama’s grief completely consumed every part of her life. Everything was eventually in disarray with bills left unpaid. Thinking she had already paid them or didn’t know what was due when. Everything was getting so out of control as she got confused. She would forget appointments she had scheduled for either her photography studio or salon, this is what she did for a living out of her home. In the past, she was always busy doing something here and there. When we opened that letter about her home going into foreclosure it was a no-brainer, Mama would come and live with us and we would take care of her. When she moved into our home in June of 2013, it was the beginning of the end. 

I harbored so much guilt. Thinking I should have done this or that and maybe it would have made a difference in the outcome. When in my heart, I knew my Mama would eventually need to move one day. She couldn’t take care of herself anymore and needed daily help.

Later looking at photos of my childhood home would bring the most painful memories to the surface. I’d remember that awful time packing her up to move with little to no warning. However, I still clicked on the link to look at the listing of our childhood home. I was curious to see how or if it had changed. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. All the photos show my Mama’s home being completely updated, remodeled, and filled with a stranger’s things. The house looked so different. It was so beautiful and elegant yet empty at the same time.

I looked through each photo seeing every room being changed in a way, that I know my Mama would have loved. She was always so particular and loved everything shiny and clean. Having felt the smile on my face grow. I examined every detail of all the rooms. Looking at just how pretty the house had become.

Once my heart was filled with so much pain from those final days. The grief from having to say goodbye to our home which was in so much chaos in the end, was replaced with so much love. I was thinking about all the happy times we had there. I could feel how giddy my Mama would be seeing her home being so well cared for and pretty. She used to tell me that we were just a shell and to remember love is in our hearts. Everything else is just things. Think about one hundred years from now. Your home someday too, may be filled with another person’s things. We carry all those treasured memories and love, in our hearts. Not in houses.

When your mind is fractured from Alzheimer’s the memories are taken away. You’re left feeling empty, confused, and sad. So, It’s up to the rest of us to fill the void they may have by remembering them. Fill their hearts with love and give those who suffer peace. Preserve their dignity as you care for them. Giving them back a piece of who they were. Remember a home is where the heart is no matter where that may be.